Love & Courage by Jagmeet Singh

Author:Jagmeet Singh
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon & Schuster

When it came time to consider universities, my school counsellor helped me put together a thorough application for a bachelor of sciences, majoring in biology. My goal was still to get a medical degree. The counsellor suggested I apply to the University of Michigan, the default school for Detroit Country Day students. It was renowned for its science research excellence and sports programs, including a wrestling team with seventeen national championships.

I thought about it. I had come to realize that, wherever I went for university, I wanted to live away from home. At the same time, I didn’t want to abandon my brother and sister. I also knew that I wanted to go to school in Canada. Going to school in the US was my parents’ decision, and I understood why they had made that decision, but for me, I wanted to be back in my own country. Eventually, I applied to the University of Toronto, the University of Waterloo, and Western University in London, Ontario, all just a few hours away. As I waited for responses, I grew increasingly conflicted between the desire to get away and the need to be able to come home quickly if my family needed me. And the closer I got to graduation, the more I sensed they’d need me a lot. Especially my mom.

Gone was the woman who’d raised me to be studious and resilient, to be disciplined and tough, to steel myself from pain, and to keep my head held high. Now she was fragile and defeated, completely worn down. Her deep, husky voice was higher-pitched and strained, and it often cracked as she pleaded with my dad through tears.

“You’re so mean to me,” I overheard her say to him one morning after a particularly bad night of his drunken behaviour.

“I’m so sorry,” he repeated over and over, their voices muffled.

“You hurt me so much.”

Though he kept saying sorry, he truly didn’t know what he was apologizing for. He had no recollection of their screaming match the night before, the crashing and banging, her begging him to stop drinking and him yelling, “Get off my case!” His kids remembered it, though. I heard every word of their arguments through the pillows I pressed against my ears.

My mom started to have regular meltdowns. It wasn’t just heartbreaking to witness, but surreal. My dad had always been the emotional one. I’d always thought of my mom as gruff and stoic, a bit of a Superwoman. Now, when something set her off, she’d dissolve into tears. It wouldn’t even have to be about my dad’s alcoholism or our finances; it could be a totally innocent argument about Jugnu.

“We can’t keep opening and closing the door to let him in and out of the house all winter,” she complained to me. “The house is freezing.”

“What should we do?” I asked. “He’s high energy—he needs to blow off some steam.”

“Jagmeet . . .” Her voice cracked on my name. Her eyes turned red and watery.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, hurrying toward her.

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